How to be sexy if you are a modern girl!

Recently the P.E.N.I.S foundation for the advanced sexiness and beauty in modern girls, released a study based on the measurement of the pupillary response in more than 1000 subjects, all men.
After been asked to strip naked they were exposed to different stimuli, mainly pictures with women, and just a few with goats, to see what creates the biggest dilatation…. of the pupil!
So after reading it carefully, finally everything is clear for me now, clearer than ever before and as today I feel very generous I am going to reveal to the world the 3 most important things girls need to do if they want to ooze sexiness and find the perfect partner for the procreation of the human species :

no1
BREASTS, right when you turn 18 or even earlier if you can convince your parents, get all the plastic you can find in your house, ideally you should start collecting it a few years in advance to make sure you have enough, and run to the first clinic and tell them you want it ALL inside your body especially in the upper part of your chest, where normal, absolutely NOT sexy women have breasts, somewhere around that area, and girls do not give up until you look like this:

big boobs

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LIPS, we all know that lips indicate romance and women with bigger lips look more romantic, so obviously you want to have them as big as guys that want to kiss you might have to hold onto something for the fear of getting their brain sucked out! For further inspiration check out these overly romantic creatures:

big lips

Don’t forget to buy a paint roller for the lipstick application!!!

no3
HAIR…. and girls, apparently there is no such thing as ….too blonde….when it comes to the dilatation of the pupil in men. So if your hair is brown, red or you think is blonde… no you are not sexy until your hair looks like have been bleached more often than your toilet!!!

And yes, I know what you are thinking, what can highlight better your new sexy not too blonde hair then a nice ginormous amount of tan!!! Yes ladies if you can get a swimming pool of fake tan where you can swim every morning then you can call yourself the mother,the goddess the Joanne D’Arc of all sexiness out there!!!

And of course after all this, only after all this we have to remember that we need to be intelligent and well spoken and expect to be taken seriously, so if you catch any male chauvinist pig not looking in your eyes when you talk to them, yes ladies get them down and smother them with your plastic parts until they squeeze like little girls!!!
You go girls, go and conquer the world!!!

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181 thoughts on “How to be sexy if you are a modern girl!

  1. ewgreenlee says:

    As a Board Member of the P.E.N.I.S. foundation I would like to say your assessment is somewhat off base. You failed to mention buttock augmentation, an absolute essential in modern women’s sexiness.

  2. Dennis says:

    Lol. I’ve never understood the lip inflation. How could the surgeon look at any of those and say “Yup, perfect. I’m done.”, hitch up his (or her) overalls and hit the woodland still for a cold one? Is he hourly? Are they like truckers and have time limits on how long they can spend in the OR? Maybe these people went to a speed dating type of clinic where there’s a kitchen timer that dings when the “surgeon” has to move onto the next victim, er sorry, patient.

  3. Andrew Ocean says:

    Hmmm. I must be exceptional. Any size, any shape, any color, any style. 16 to 66 blind, crippled or crazy works for me!

    0 :^{)}

  4. cravebeauty2013 says:

    WOW! *lmbo* I had to giggle when I saw the one for the “breasts.” Just recently did I start picking out clothes that give the “illusion,” that I have some. Great post. “Thanks,” for liking my post too! πŸ™‚

    1. H! says:

      Ha ha ha I love it when people confess to me, and I actually really like your confession!!! πŸ™‚ Anytime ;)…come back and confess more!

  5. Bob says:

    If it’s been mentioned before i apologise but am fairly certain that the equivalent responses in females would be towards:

    1. The artificially enhanced so-as-to-look ‘natural’ male member, courtesy of vacuum tubes or tying enormously heavy weights to one end and ‘dangling’.

    2. Men who might typically resemble the father they always wanted to have as a 12 year old in relation to their current chronological ages.

    3. Wallets that make them look 20 cms taller when they are sitting on them than when they aren’t ( in other words: Loaded and prepared to spend it)

    πŸ™‚

    That is not to say that anyone, male or female, actually wants a partner to have said features, merely that they do make one’s eyes ‘pop’ and arouse our intellectual curiosity the most.

  6. CoolChick says:

    I think its a good post, but does showing pictures of distorted self mutilation help you feel good about yourself?? Not Nice

  7. Miss Misfit says:

    Funny shit sister! Awesome blog!!! I really love being the follow up comment to the one above…. (Cool Chick) I’m sure I’ll start a fight here… Get a funny bone already! Yes… making fun of other’s idiocy is fun!!!

  8. 3parrots says:

    Hahahaha! Fantastic! Just this morning I saw an ad for a plastic surgery clinic. A photo of a woman with arrows pointing to EVERY single part of her body with suggestions of procedures that can be done to perfect the look! HORRIFYING!

  9. ancafitness says:

    Hahahahahaha, good one!!!! I can go to sleep with a smile on my face, thank you!
    And thank you for visiting my blog. I’ll check more of your stuff. It seems Im gonna enjoy it!

  10. Serita Purple says:

    I like this site very much, Its a rattling nice office to read and find information. “What is a committee A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.” by Richard Harkness.

  11. Lorene Pinkley says:

    Having had breast cancer, and dealing with the loss of a breast, I can tell you that these “large skin tags” are an integral part of a woman’s image, not matter the size. Of course, some people go to the extreme, I think one should be satisfied with what your genes gave you, but when it suddenly is gone, a part of you as a woman goes too. Plus, being uneven makes you lean to the side a little πŸ™‚ So I am very grateful for skilled surgeons who can create breasts from other body parts. While it is scarred, it is beautiful to me, and I don’t feel mortified when I lean over. I have cleavage again!

    1. H! says:

      Ohhh I am totally grateful that surgeons exists for this…. and I am sorry to hear you had to go through it!!! Definatelly this is what they should do and every woman out there deserve to have a cleavage!!! Just some are going too far, that was the point of my post! I wish you have a wonderful and long life despite what you had to go through! All the best to you!!!

  12. Food 4 The Soul 93 says:

    Well, you got all the important stuff covered! Park those big cars in the driveway, lady…

    Your crazy, but I love it…
    Skip

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