How to be sexy if you are a modern girl!

16 Feb

Recently the P.E.N.I.S foundation for the advanced sexiness and beauty in modern girls, released a study based on the measurement of the pupillary response in more than 1000 subjects, all men.
After been asked to strip naked they were exposed to different stimuli, mainly pictures with women, and just a few with goats, to see what creates the biggest dilatation…. of the pupil!
So after reading it carefully, finally everything is clear for me now, clearer than ever before and as today I feel very generous I am going to reveal to the world the 3 most important things girls need to do if they want to ooze sexiness and find the perfect partner for the procreation of the human species :

no1
BREASTS, right when you turn 18 or even earlier if you can convince your parents, get all the plastic you can find in your house, ideally you should start collecting it a few years in advance to make sure you have enough, and run to the first clinic and tell them you want it ALL inside your body especially in the upper part of your chest, where normal, absolutely NOT sexy women have breasts, somewhere around that area, and girls do not give up until you look like this:

big boobs

no2
LIPS, we all know that lips indicate romance and women with bigger lips look more romantic, so obviously you want to have them as big as guys that want to kiss you might have to hold onto something for the fear of getting their brain sucked out! For further inspiration check out these overly romantic creatures:

big lips

Don’t forget to buy a paint roller for the lipstick application!!!

no3
HAIR…. and girls, apparently there is no such thing as ….too blonde….when it comes to the dilatation of the pupil in men. So if your hair is brown, red or you think is blonde… no you are not sexy until your hair looks like have been bleached more often than your toilet!!!

And yes, I know what you are thinking, what can highlight better your new sexy not too blonde hair then a nice ginormous amount of tan!!! Yes ladies if you can get a swimming pool of fake tan where you can swim every morning then you can call yourself the mother,the goddess the Joanne D’Arc of all sexiness out there!!!

And of course after all this, only after all this we have to remember that we need to be intelligent and well spoken and expect to be taken seriously, so if you catch any male chauvinist pig not looking in your eyes when you talk to them, yes ladies get them down and smother them with your plastic parts until they squeeze like little girls!!!
You go girls, go and conquer the world!!!

181 Responses to “How to be sexy if you are a modern girl!”

  1. J Norman February 20, 2013 at 4:59 pm #

    Got a kick out of this post. Good job. Check today’s post for our blog here: http://jnormanpost.com/2013/02/20/the-two-pillars-of-dressing-well/

    • H! February 21, 2013 at 10:54 am #

      Great, thanks, I will!!πŸ™‚

  2. Multifarious meanderings February 20, 2013 at 5:44 pm #

    Thanks for the giggle. I’ll leave my place for someone else. Don’t fancy looking like an inflateable doll, it’d scare my dog.

    • H! February 21, 2013 at 6:29 am #

      Thank you!!! We certainly don’t want your dog to get scaredπŸ˜‰

  3. ewgreenlee February 20, 2013 at 6:43 pm #

    As a Board Member of the P.E.N.I.S. foundation I would like to say your assessment is somewhat off base. You failed to mention buttock augmentation, an absolute essential in modern women’s sexiness.

  4. Dennis February 21, 2013 at 5:00 pm #

    Lol. I’ve never understood the lip inflation. How could the surgeon look at any of those and say “Yup, perfect. I’m done.”, hitch up his (or her) overalls and hit the woodland still for a cold one? Is he hourly? Are they like truckers and have time limits on how long they can spend in the OR? Maybe these people went to a speed dating type of clinic where there’s a kitchen timer that dings when the “surgeon” has to move onto the next victim, er sorry, patient.

    • H! February 22, 2013 at 7:49 am #

      Ha ha ha … speed dating clinic…. it seems so!πŸ™‚

  5. Andrew Ocean February 21, 2013 at 7:02 pm #

    Hmmm. I must be exceptional. Any size, any shape, any color, any style. 16 to 66 blind, crippled or crazy works for me!

    0 :^{)}

    • H! February 22, 2013 at 7:50 am #

      You ARE… exceptionalπŸ™‚

  6. usolee February 22, 2013 at 1:03 pm #

    I’m a modern guy, and need tips on how to be sexy

    • H! February 22, 2013 at 7:22 pm #

      Ha ha ha coming soon!!!:)

      • usolee February 23, 2013 at 4:22 am #

        promise?

      • H! February 23, 2013 at 12:43 pm #

        It’s going to be challenging though….;)

  7. Ebony Brown February 22, 2013 at 4:43 pm #

    Ha! …didn’t expect this, so funny, yet so sad.

  8. pandaskem83 February 22, 2013 at 7:46 pm #

    Lol! I love your blog❀

    • H! February 23, 2013 at 12:57 pm #

      Aww… thank you!

  9. DIVAS February 23, 2013 at 12:54 pm #

    yes gals, come n conquer me!πŸ˜‰

  10. Sig Kanners February 23, 2013 at 2:59 pm #

    You read my mind. lol

    • H! February 23, 2013 at 7:38 pm #

      Yes sometimes I just do that don’t I?πŸ™‚

  11. Dutch Guyana February 23, 2013 at 6:49 pm #

    Rofl. Just when you thought the worst was over… Nope, nowhere near! Risking their health for attention. :-s

  12. cravebeauty2013 February 23, 2013 at 8:40 pm #

    WOW! *lmbo* I had to giggle when I saw the one for the “breasts.” Just recently did I start picking out clothes that give the “illusion,” that I have some. Great post. “Thanks,” for liking my post too!πŸ™‚

    • H! February 23, 2013 at 9:17 pm #

      πŸ™‚ thank you!!! well… I’ll always take the illusion!!!;)

  13. Number 4. A confession. Women who run impress me, and I don’t mind being ‘chicked’. Running races are the only time fast women chase after me, then keep on running away, unfortunately. Good luck.

    • H! February 24, 2013 at 8:20 am #

      Ha ha ha I love it when people confess to me, and I actually really like your confession!!!πŸ™‚ Anytime ;)…come back and confess more!

  14. HaLin February 24, 2013 at 4:54 am #

    Inflatable balloons filled with nothingness. How alluring.πŸ™‚

  15. paulheels February 24, 2013 at 12:17 pm #

    I’m. Little late to this party, but women can’t be sexy with all that and not be able to cook grits and bacon. Gotta be able to cook grits and bacon.

    • H! February 24, 2013 at 3:19 pm #

      Good to know…. grits and bacon!!!πŸ™‚ ha ha ha!!!

  16. panoramaofthoughts February 24, 2013 at 2:18 pm #

    what some people wouldn’t do to attract attention! We should all learn to look beautiful for ourselves, not anybody else!

    • H! February 24, 2013 at 3:18 pm #

      Indeed! If we are beautiful for ourselves the right people will also find us beautiful!πŸ™‚

  17. Kavita Joshi February 25, 2013 at 3:23 am #

    wonderful post with humor in it…thanks for sharing

    • H! February 25, 2013 at 3:03 pm #

      Thank youπŸ˜‰

  18. Bob February 25, 2013 at 9:46 am #

    If it’s been mentioned before i apologise but am fairly certain that the equivalent responses in females would be towards:

    1. The artificially enhanced so-as-to-look ‘natural’ male member, courtesy of vacuum tubes or tying enormously heavy weights to one end and ‘dangling’.

    2. Men who might typically resemble the father they always wanted to have as a 12 year old in relation to their current chronological ages.

    3. Wallets that make them look 20 cms taller when they are sitting on them than when they aren’t ( in other words: Loaded and prepared to spend it)
    πŸ™‚

    That is not to say that anyone, male or female, actually wants a partner to have said features, merely that they do make one’s eyes ‘pop’ and arouse our intellectual curiosity the most.

    • H! February 25, 2013 at 2:57 pm #

      I’m not sure I’ll agree with you. maybe I’ll use my foundation to do another study and find outπŸ™‚ ha ha ha !!!

  19. Stephen Hughes February 25, 2013 at 11:37 am #

    Great post and so funny, inflatable doll look alike competition! –
    Keep it real….! – Love your self first!!!

    • H! February 25, 2013 at 2:53 pm #

      Thank you! Very true!πŸ™‚

      • Stephen Hughes February 25, 2013 at 3:07 pm #

        We all go through some sort of depression, and the only way out is to start from with in.

  20. Bill Jones, Jr. February 26, 2013 at 12:18 am #

    I am so turned on right now. Blond goats.

    • H! February 26, 2013 at 5:59 pm #

      Ohh boy. I’ll include you in the study group nextπŸ˜‰

  21. beingisbeautiful February 26, 2013 at 3:00 am #

    haha this post is so true — couldn’t agree more with you though!!!

    • H! February 26, 2013 at 5:59 pm #

      πŸ˜‰

  22. purpleperceptions February 26, 2013 at 7:25 pm #

    I was watching a lady get butt implants last night… Lol. Thank you for the hilarious write up!!πŸ˜„

    • H! February 26, 2013 at 7:49 pm #

      thank youπŸ™‚

  23. t February 26, 2013 at 8:59 pm #

    So to be clear, looking like you just got ran over by a convoy of hot air balloons, is what’s now considered sexy?

    • H! February 26, 2013 at 9:14 pm #

      Hope not!!!πŸ™‚

  24. Eagle Tech February 26, 2013 at 11:26 pm #

    Freakin’ hilarious! I nearly fell out my chair. Keep ’em coming.

    • H! February 27, 2013 at 6:31 am #

      Thank you!πŸ™‚

  25. bluephoenixrebel February 27, 2013 at 10:07 am #

    Very very funny, and a great way to send the message across! We got the point!πŸ˜‰

    • H! February 27, 2013 at 6:13 pm #

      I was worried you won’t get the pointπŸ˜‰ Thank you!

  26. dylantog February 27, 2013 at 5:00 pm #

    Haha , great post

    • H! February 27, 2013 at 6:03 pm #

      Thanks!πŸ™‚

  27. sarahdaniellephotography February 27, 2013 at 8:52 pm #

    SOO FUNNY!!!

    • H! February 28, 2013 at 7:37 pm #

      Thank you!πŸ˜‰

  28. Chico February 28, 2013 at 4:42 am #

    Not sure which is scarier – the examples or the fact that I was 0-3 on the categories… Funny stuff, either way…

    • H! February 28, 2013 at 8:05 pm #

      0-3 is a very good score;) Thank you!

  29. CoolChick March 1, 2013 at 5:01 pm #

    I think its a good post, but does showing pictures of distorted self mutilation help you feel good about yourself?? Not Nice

    • H! March 1, 2013 at 5:07 pm #

      I really don’t follow you, and if you don’t have a sense of humor, I am sorry you won’t get it!

  30. Miss Misfit March 3, 2013 at 11:42 am #

    Funny shit sister! Awesome blog!!! I really love being the follow up comment to the one above…. (Cool Chick) I’m sure I’ll start a fight here… Get a funny bone already! Yes… making fun of other’s idiocy is fun!!!

    • H! March 3, 2013 at 12:20 pm #

      Thanks so much sister!πŸ˜‰

  31. Shahnewaz Zwaki March 4, 2013 at 7:38 am #

    Just mind blowing ……

  32. butterflymumma March 4, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

    Too funny. Love the photos.

    • H! March 4, 2013 at 5:09 pm #

      Thank you!

  33. Mental Wanderlust King March 4, 2013 at 3:11 pm #

    Good christ… those lip photos are horrifying.

  34. Air Cooled Underware March 8, 2013 at 6:17 am #

    Well, ahem.. taking the tone from your other post I am pretty sure this was done with sarcasm. Hence I shall steer you to one of my recent writings. http://aircooledunderware.wordpress.com/2013/02/27/ladies-please-leave-the-boobs-alone/

    Thanks for stopping by yesterday.
    ‘Nuff Said

  35. 3parrots March 8, 2013 at 7:06 pm #

    Hahahaha! Fantastic! Just this morning I saw an ad for a plastic surgery clinic. A photo of a woman with arrows pointing to EVERY single part of her body with suggestions of procedures that can be done to perfect the look! HORRIFYING!

  36. ancafitness March 12, 2013 at 1:25 am #

    Hahahahahaha, good one!!!! I can go to sleep with a smile on my face, thank you!
    And thank you for visiting my blog. I’ll check more of your stuff. It seems Im gonna enjoy it!

    • H! March 13, 2013 at 9:23 pm #

      My pleasure:) thank you for coming around…πŸ™‚ hope you’ll keep enjoying!!!πŸ˜‰

  37. ancafitness March 12, 2013 at 1:26 am #

    Reblogged this on My Travel & Fitness Adventures .

    • H! March 13, 2013 at 9:22 pm #

      Thank you!!!πŸ™‚

  38. Warren Feurtado March 14, 2013 at 8:31 am #

    great blog

  39. Serita Purple March 16, 2013 at 12:16 am #

    I like this site very much, Its a rattling nice office to read and find information. “What is a committee A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.” by Richard Harkness.

  40. bobdog93 March 16, 2013 at 9:02 pm #

    This was good, I really enjoyed it. Thank you.

    • H! March 17, 2013 at 8:22 am #

      Thank youπŸ™‚

  41. Dagny March 21, 2013 at 4:34 pm #

    Yes Ma’am…!

  42. Clay J Mize March 24, 2013 at 10:13 am #

    You are a funny girl. Love your blog.

    • H! March 24, 2013 at 2:02 pm #

      Thank you!πŸ™‚

  43. Ataur Rahman March 28, 2013 at 8:14 am #

    beautiful shape and size.

  44. fastingamy March 30, 2013 at 5:06 pm #

    hahahahaha you killed me, you’re hilarious

    • H! March 30, 2013 at 7:54 pm #

      Thank you!πŸ™‚

  45. Lorene Pinkley March 30, 2013 at 11:24 pm #

    Having had breast cancer, and dealing with the loss of a breast, I can tell you that these “large skin tags” are an integral part of a woman’s image, not matter the size. Of course, some people go to the extreme, I think one should be satisfied with what your genes gave you, but when it suddenly is gone, a part of you as a woman goes too. Plus, being uneven makes you lean to the side a littleπŸ™‚ So I am very grateful for skilled surgeons who can create breasts from other body parts. While it is scarred, it is beautiful to me, and I don’t feel mortified when I lean over. I have cleavage again!

    • H! April 1, 2013 at 4:19 pm #

      Ohhh I am totally grateful that surgeons exists for this…. and I am sorry to hear you had to go through it!!! Definatelly this is what they should do and every woman out there deserve to have a cleavage!!! Just some are going too far, that was the point of my post! I wish you have a wonderful and long life despite what you had to go through! All the best to you!!!

  46. mregan73 April 9, 2013 at 5:22 pm #

    So very funny

  47. Food 4 The Soul 93 April 12, 2013 at 4:52 am #

    Well, you got all the important stuff covered! Park those big cars in the driveway, lady…

    Your crazy, but I love it…
    Skip

    • H! April 12, 2013 at 5:15 am #

      Thank youπŸ˜‰

      • Food 4 The Soul 93 April 12, 2013 at 3:19 pm #

        You’re very welcome. Nice blog …

        SkipπŸ™‚

  48. delightedsouls April 19, 2013 at 11:18 am #

    Well …:D can’t figure out, if this is more witty or hilarious… Of course, I like it.

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