How to be cool on facebook!

30 Jul

A-bigger-turnout-was-expected
It’s obvious and pointless to mention that in today’s world of the Wild West, sorry Wide Web communication …. you adapt or you disappear, you disappear from the cool social media like the dinosaurs disappeared in the Cretaceous!

It took me a while I have to confess, but I think I come up with how you can survive, and how you can start to be as cool as a teenager that can send 10 text messages in one minute, without using their hands!

I will start with these 10 basic, essential rules of coolness on Facebook, of course you can extend it and try to apply it on other online form of communication or socializing.
Here we go, prepare yourself to be transformed :

1. Vaguebooking. I bet you did not hear about this so far (see… I told you this is very cool). So be as vague as possible on your status, write things like : “This sucks!” or “What a terrible day”. Of course you’re not begging for attention, you are just so damn cool, don’t worry if most people won’t understand you, they are just not as cool as you!

2. Overload on the corny quotes
“..Dance like no one’s watching, sing like…” whoo hoo, even if you don’t have a clue what it means or tying to say, put it on baby, you want to be cool, don’t you?

3. Post timely statements frequently and regularly. Exclaim your desire or demand for coffee every morning: “Good morning, time for my coffee”, or your time to sleep: “It’s late, time for bed!”, or proclaim “TGIF” every Friday, because your friends will be thankful for the reminder that it’s Friday!
forrest fire on facebook

4. When you want to send a message to one of your facebook friends write on the wall instead of communicating privately,best example is when you invite someone to a private party, this way you make sure all the people on their friends list who you don’t want in the party will know!

5. Tag, tag and tag again, but remember there is a secret to tagging, : make sure you choose pictures where everyone else but you looks absolutely ridiculous, so you will be shown in all your glory, nobody else shadowing your coolness!

6. NEVER reply to comments especially if they are questions, that is so uncool!. If you ignore them all the time, chances are that they will eventually get it, and realize how cool you are.

7. Grammar is for losers, not for cool people like you, it is so uncool to write in a proper way, almost as uncool as saying thank you when someone is opening the door for you.So don’t worry, best way to write is something like this: „thinks ur as useless ass tits on a nun”, „ur roommate has 2 eat sum of ur food”, “wudnt mind findin out who robbed me fkin bag wid eveyfin in it” . This are beautiful examples of coolness, but to get there I am telling you, natural talent is required, it’s not impossible with a lot of exercise, maybe special coolness lessons included you might get there!

8. When you are chatting with someone, always leave your friend waiting for your responses, until you deal with everything else you have to do, I mean you are a cool person, and cool people have a lot of things to do, and DO make sure you are the one to abruptly end the chat session, no need for goodbye, have to go or any explanations like that, just leave and be cool!

9. Dedicate your Facebook profile to your girlfriend or boyfriend.
Matching pictures for each profile, confessing your love to one another under – dedications written to each other on your wall reminding them how much you love them. Example: “Baby, I luv you so much- this has been the best 7 weeks of my life- I LOVE YOU, [insert pet name here]!I can assure you this is beyond cool, is the epitome of coolness!

10. DO not forget to send all your friends, everyday requests for a gazillion games, apps, and social sites that you like, so nobody will ever confuse you with a mere normal, not cool person that is not up to date with all the coolness in the world!
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47 Responses to “How to be cool on facebook!”

  1. kimberlyakinola July 30, 2013 at 5:05 pm #

    Hahaha!!!! That 1st image got me LOL,

  2. Richard Stephens July 30, 2013 at 5:09 pm #

    Wow! I’m like, sooo not cool. I mean like, OMG!

    • H! July 31, 2013 at 8:56 am #

      If you need private lessons let me know ;)

      • Richard Stephens July 31, 2013 at 11:13 am #

        I’m workin’ on it but I’ll keep your offer in mind.

  3. Ed Mahoney July 30, 2013 at 5:22 pm #

    OK, I’ll try it. This better work.

  4. newsferret July 30, 2013 at 6:00 pm #

    I just love this post – cool, Baby, cool!!!

  5. E.H. July 30, 2013 at 6:35 pm #

    I’m taking a quiet moment to be embarrassed by how many of these things I’ve actually done one or more times. o…m…g… lol. ;-)

  6. Gary Lum July 30, 2013 at 6:41 pm #

    I’m so uncool. I do the opposite of most of those things :-)

    • H! July 31, 2013 at 8:55 am #

      Well this is your chance ;)

  7. bensbitterblog July 30, 2013 at 6:51 pm #

    Now that I know that I can post about nothing, I can start actually using my Facebook to be cooler than everyone else. I like to type obvious things.

  8. busydarling July 30, 2013 at 6:56 pm #

    Hehe. Brilliant!

  9. redjim99 July 30, 2013 at 7:40 pm #

    Cool…

    • H! July 31, 2013 at 8:55 am #

      :) I can see you are already a “cool” guy ( just joking) ;)

  10. TartanJogger July 30, 2013 at 8:36 pm #

    Such a fun post! :D

    • H! July 31, 2013 at 8:54 am #

      Thank you! :)

  11. quickstepp July 30, 2013 at 8:42 pm #

    Ur post was so amaze. Fo real OMG. How many likes for this post?

    The only one I sometimes veer toward is cheesy quotes. 1 and 7 are the worst!

  12. Jonathan Caswell July 30, 2013 at 9:15 pm #

    Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    IS MY FUNERAL GOING TO BE LIKE THIS???? MOST OF MY DAD’S FRIENDS CAME TO ONLY THE VISITING HOURS.

  13. bezzymates July 30, 2013 at 10:32 pm #

    What about that duck-faced pout with the peace sign in pictures. Of course, not suggested if you’re over 21.

  14. duncanr July 31, 2013 at 2:23 am #

    love that 1st pic – going to email it to some friends who spend a lot of time on Facebook :lol:

  15. quixoticsemiotic July 31, 2013 at 5:12 am #

    Guilty. -shamefaced-

  16. icsehelpline101 July 31, 2013 at 8:37 am #

    Haha..! This needs to be circulated among teenagers so badly!

  17. micklively July 31, 2013 at 10:28 am #

    Good post. Many thanks for the “like”.

    • H! August 1, 2013 at 1:49 pm #

      Thank you! :)

  18. pjoriginal July 31, 2013 at 1:48 pm #

    you forgot some things..
    1. tell everyone on chat to like and comment on your photos and posts (This will just increase your coolness by informing people of your new updates)
    2. tag everyone in each small detail of your life (They will know they have to pay attention when they get a notification for each comment on each tag)

  19. honeydidyouseethat? August 1, 2013 at 5:19 am #

    Too funny. I keep deleting people on Facebook. Hope it’s true that they don’t know when you do that because I still want to be cool.

  20. Tom Randall August 3, 2013 at 2:00 pm #

    Hil-freekin-larious! And so true. Hahahaha. I don’t think I ever thanked you for stopping by my blog awhile back. Thanks! I really appreciate it. Have a great weekend!

    • H! August 7, 2013 at 1:34 pm #

      Thank you all the same Tom! All the best! :)

  21. thiskindredspirit August 4, 2013 at 5:44 pm #

    This is to great! Haha

    • H! August 7, 2013 at 1:34 pm #

      Thank you! :)

  22. Chocolate Covered Race Medals August 5, 2013 at 6:32 pm #

    This is the first of your blog that I’ve read, and I’m now hooked :) Hysterical!

    • H! August 7, 2013 at 1:33 pm #

      Thank you!:)

  23. Cosmo August 5, 2013 at 7:27 pm #

    Brilliant! The funeral cartoon is soooo perfect. Great stuff even if it reminded me how damn uncool I have become. Sigh.

  24. susielindau August 5, 2013 at 9:59 pm #

    Hilarious!
    I think your tips are already out there…

    • H! August 7, 2013 at 1:33 pm #

      Thanks! Hope so! :)

  25. kathyfoote August 7, 2013 at 6:01 am #

    So funny! I’m going to share with my . . . oh, wait, it’s time for coffeeeeeee!!!!!

    • H! August 7, 2013 at 1:33 pm #

      Enjoy your coffee! ;)

  26. |{3ÑZ!3 August 8, 2013 at 1:25 am #

    I had Facebook then, I got rid of it I thought it wouldn’t catch on.

  27. wandering jouster August 9, 2013 at 10:42 am #

    hi. just dropping a note to tell you about this bouquet of three awards blog nomination i have for you. you might want to know about this at http://wanderingjouster.com/2013/08/09/i-would-like-to/#more-10800. :-) :-)

  28. Ownthecrazy August 12, 2013 at 11:45 am #

    Have you been stalking my little brother’s Facebook? You must be, because he’s obviously…..way cool. Whereas, I’m very much not so cool. I have to step up my game.

    • H! August 12, 2013 at 11:52 am #

      Ha ha ha, you caught me!!! step up! step up! ;)

  29. noir33 August 12, 2013 at 11:45 am #

    this iz 2 funny

    • H! August 12, 2013 at 11:52 am #

      Thank you! ;)

  30. prayingforoneday August 13, 2013 at 4:47 pm #

    I do all this now…
    …And I just turned 40.
    Be gentle with me please..Am I a bad person?

    • H! August 14, 2013 at 11:14 am #

      Ha ha ha no you’re not bad, you’re cool! ;)

      • prayingforoneday August 14, 2013 at 11:18 am #

        :-) Ta

  31. whyareyousoawesomeandisuck August 25, 2013 at 6:16 pm #

    I Love this! If I hear “dance like no one is watching” or my most hated..”the moments that take your breath away” again, then I will make you all WATCH while I “dance like no one is watching!” And it will not be pretty! hahaha.. thanks for the awesome post.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. 3 things that are working for me. | marrymeyoga - July 31, 2013

    […] your friend know you tried.   In case you are wondering, there’s a great resource on how to be cool on Facebook.  Take a look and let me know what you […]

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